Best Hands of Your Life

Me and my Mommy :)

I thank God for having not blessed me with your presence yet. Because He knows that your mother-to-be is not ready for you, as she wants you to have nothing but the best. She, I, want you to be loved endlessly with no beginning nor end. I live for you even now though I have no clue when you are coming. I have no idea who you will resemble, or even, who your father will be. I pray, for you, and I, that he is strong, and that he is his very best.

Your mother now fights to no end to be her best person. She fights to mold herself into someone that today, she currently is not; to be someone that you will admire and love. Someone who when you set your eyes upon her, your own heart will warm, and eyes will shimmer because you'll know that you've been placed into the best hands of your life.

I have nothing to offer your right now. Nothing but positive words. My hands are clammy from fighting with myself so much that they've forgotten that they themselves have the ability to soften and be gentle. My heart weeps daily as she cries for freedom from her past. She wants herself to be relinquished from people, places, and things that she no longer belongs. So she writes, pours her heart out onto blank pages as she fills them with the honest foolishness of her young life and the sincerest dreams of what is to come. A dreamer is who your mother is. She dreams of life at it's best. Life at it's most gentle times. She dreams, wishes, hopes, and prays for a life for you that is noteworthy and God-fearing. A life that is well-documented and rejoiced over. A life that when you're my age, your battles nor pain will not surpass my own. For you, I desire nothing but the best. 

And while I am still learning this whole life thing, I look forward to awaiting and delivering your arrival. I've already decided your delivery will be a natural one, with no drugs. Spartan right? Even now, I feel the need to be aware of everything that pertains to you. I just know that I want absolutely nothing but the best for you and will see to it that this is what you're given - even now, when you have yet to announce your forthcoming or your arrival. 

Even now, you have been and will be placed into the best hands of your life.

Tickled with Anticipation

I spent some time not long ago looking at engagement rings, wedding gowns, honeymoon spots, and floral arrangements. Trying to put a face to the man I'll spend forever with and the kids we'll make and raise and love. Delving into careers that I would love to wake up to partake in daily. Imagining the home I'll help create. Spent some time attempting to look into the future and tried to figure out life now and how it'll affect life later. Consciously attempting to coordinate steps so that they only positively affect what's to come. Of course, the end result left me empty handed, but, the attempt was made.

I've always said that we get from life what we put into it. And that's the honest to God truth. Should you contribute nothing to this one life of yours, your harvest will return to you ill fruits and parch land. But, should you sow your land with grace and dedication, your harvest then will return to you the best things of this life. But not necessarily in a fashion or span of time that you may see fit.

I can tell you with the straightest face possible, I have no clue what life has in store. I don't know what to expect come next week or six months from now, let alone a year or more from now. Regardless of how much I "plan", life does it's own thing; I'm just a participant in its show, a pawn in its game, a squirrel trying to get a nut - to say the least.


I just want the best out of this life and I hope the same applies to you and those in your immediate circle. But in wanting the best out of this life, we have to make some pretty tough decisions, burn some bridges, tear out some chapters, cry plenty tears, and do some back turning. And we have to do all of this hoping on a wish and a prayer that the end result is a life that when we sit back and reflect, we can confidently and proudly say that we are happy and satisfied with the decisions made.


Though this may sound like some internal battle of good versus evil quipped with the past fighting the future, it's not. It's a woman playing with her own thoughts and hoping, wishing, and praying that her life from here on out is full of nothing but joyous surprises because after all, she is truly tickled with anticipation and can't wait to see what is on its way to her.

The Heart's Desire and Love's Expectations

All she wanted was to be loved. And to be loved the right way, her way, her heart's desired way. But you don't always get what you want life to give you.

Instead, she waltzed into domains that trampled upon her heart as if a herd of a hundred elephants were being chased from their homes. She was hot and dazed, confused and by all means hurt. Because this isn't what love is 'posed to feel like. It's not supposed to feel like a thousand pricking rose thorns sticking thru and thru for the heart's contents to drip, drop, and splatter onto linoleum floors and suede nude pumps. No, not love. Not the love dreamt of in fairytale dreams surrounding that one princess who meets her prince when she least expects it. The magicalness of it all is what love is 'posed to be about. What it's supposed to feel like.

Love, you're supposed to feel good. You're supposed to make me sing your name with eyes wide open and eyes wide shut during my day dreams and my night dreams. You're supposed to be with me at all times; loneliness with you around is nonexistent. Love, your lips are supposed to be tender when pressed against mine as my heart's pitter-pattering matches the elephant stampede that crushed it in the first place. You, are supposed to be everything that a girl who grows into a woman, has ever imagined you to be. You're supposed to be worth more than the diamonds and pearls, more than the dozen roses, treasured jewels, and surprised weekend getaways. You're, even supposed to be more surprising and more enchanting than the night he settles upon that one knee to offer that one ring and ask that one question.

Quite possibly, too many expectations and rules and guidelines have been placed upon your head. So much that not even you, this unseen notion of what "love" is supposed to look and feel like, that not even you can live up to these desires. These expectations and wants. These dreams of fairytales that say what "love" is to be like.

So I apologize to you on behalf of the millions and billions of women like me who have this Kodak vision of a picture of what love is when the photo hasn't even been taken. I know how I want my heart to feel when love walks in. And I even know how I don't want my heart to feel when love ponders walking out. In my realm of dreams, love, is a one way door: we walk in, but we never, ever walk out.