the best that i {had} and now {seek}

At the end of the day, and the fact of the matter, is that I did more than necessary, and did my best. Gave my all and borrowed from places outside of myself to provide what my heart could not do on its own.


Everybody's got opinions and there are multifaceted sides to all stories: the good ol' your's, mine, and the truth. But let it be whatever it is and whatever it will become, so long as we both know that I gave my all and more than I really should have. More than I even had remaining in me. More than I could fathom. More questions than answers. More tears than smiles. More pain than joy. I know, without a shadow of doubt or a second of uncertainty, I did my best and gave my all. And it is this fact that hurts the most. Not even that it's over. Or that I've returned to square one, to start from scratch, but, that I, a young 24 year old woman endured and fought, gave her all and quite possibly her best.


I don't know which way to turn or what foot to start with, but I know to move and keep moving. I can't say when will I give into love and usher myself into a relationship again. But right now, that's not even on my list, yet, it is a heavy question that beckons me. Did you give so much of yourself that possibly, you may not be able to do it again? Who knows. I take this moment and those forthcoming to take care of me. To put myself 1st, 2nd, and 3rd. To ensure that I am spiritually, physically, and mentally together and solid.


Right now is about me. And yes, I know I was not thee best, but damnit, I was thorough. I was strong, sensitive, and it. And I refuse to settle for anything less. 


So as you and I reinvent our lives and began from scratch, and I close this chapter of my life, I seek the best of me that I gave to you. I don't expect it back, but I need it back. I need to know that there is a figment, a piece of me that I can plant and watch it flourish; to watch it grow.

Maxwell, Pretty Wings