Something (more), Someone (changed), Somewhere (new)

This life, it's always changing. Does what it wants to, when it desires to, and in its own order. We're just players in this game - for a lack of a better description. But it's the truth.

These days, I find myself seeking and searching for opportunities to better myself. To make Theresa a better partner, educator, student, daughter, sister, friend, aunt, niece, lover, and partner (just to name a few of my roles in this life I lead). Whether better employment opportunities or a chance to get back in school to finish this good ol' bachelors. Something.

I'd put as a status recently that "When you  need a break thru, God is who you go to". The rhyming I love - haven't written in rhyme since high school poetry with Ms. Reissman. Since the days I fell in love with poetry, daily.  But the truth behind the statement has and continues to prove itself to be true in my life. For the first time in my adult life, I've learned what it means to place my faith and problems, issues and concerns, into the hands of the deity, the God I call unto, and leave them there. Grew up hearing Let go and let God. Walk away and never turn back. It's easier said than done, but peace has never been sweeter. Confidence has never been stronger. And faith, has never been surer.

And by no means is this about religion, faith, or spirituality. But instead about how much and how often life changes. How at the blink of an eye, the click of a tongue against teeth, the flinch of a chilly body, life changes - instantly. How who we were yesterday, and last week, let alone last year, by far, is not the same individual.

My days zoom past. Weeks quickly turn into months. And the months already are ending a year I highly anticipated and planned for, yet, was not prepared for what it held. Just last night I thought I was living in June. Yet tonight, already, it's a frigid October evening. Sirens play loudly in my background as if it's supposed to be a soft jazz melody. The engines of cars fly past my building and on the eleventh floor, I hear it all. Violent winds blow and tree limbs whistle. Through closed windows, I hear the world buzzing as if I'm on some major artery, witnessing it in first person.

Close my eyes for a moment, and it's as if I hear nothing. Silence. Peace.

There's power in being in the middle of chaos, and to have total control over what and how to which you're affected. To be in the midst of loudness, and not hear a single sound to shake, rattle, and roll your insides. To be somewhere, yet be no where at the same time. To be able to be unaffected by the turmoil of your surroundings. Peace. It's something new for me. It's a new place that is full of grandeur and supreme beauty. It, is overstated and misunderstood. Peace is the laughter my quickly growing two year old sister who knows nothing about heartache and disappointment; but instead of hugs and kisses, ABCs and 123s, and Sasha, the cat. Peace is having breasts and a shape of a woman. Peace is waking in the morning to live another day. Peace is being appreciative that things really could be a whole lot worst.

The older I get, the more I appreciate this life. The one that has taken away and given me things and individuals. The same life that just as quickly as it removes someone from my space, it quickly returns them. The more I anticipate what's to come from marriage and children, dreams that manifest its destiny into success. The less I look back and the more I look forward, the more I realize that though I'm not where I'd anticipated to be now, I'm where I'm supposed to be. And that's a noteworthy breath.