You're Not the Man

When we're young, we do crazy things.
And when we get older, those crazy young things become stupid old things.

This is the best way to describe he and I. Crazy young decisions that had not outgrown us (though they should have) with perhaps no regard for age, growth, or expansion. No recognition of what it means for old things (and older individuals) to remain where they lie. The possible consequences. The possibility to end what is or what was or what could have been to find out what temporary tastes like. Like waking a sleeping giant and expecting it to be gentle and calm. Expecting it to be humble and changed. Expecting its outlook to mirror your own.

These are possibly the best ways to describe he and I.He and I weren't even enough to become "us" or "we". That's how temporary it all was.

We were young when we first crossed paths; hadn't even hit our twenties. Still in transition from childhood to adulthood. And still naive. Still doing what satisified our individual selves and with no responsibility outside of school and work. We enjoyed the non-responsibility of our then lives. We simultaneously taught and learned much from one another. Fun and convienence are the best ways to describe our thinking. But eventually our paths split, familiarity became distance, and time well spent became distant memories. Phone numbers changed just as our ages and focuses on life had. We morphed into new individuals. But old young things followed us so that they would become new stupid old things.

It's a known fact that sometimes in life we have to test waters that we know are not safe for us. We feel the need to enter territories that we know we ought not to. Just to see what it's like as we knowingly toss common sense aside.

And that's what we did. And continued to do. Before I knew it, I realized none of it made any sense to me. And it made no sense just to keep him, it, the situation, or the madness in tact just for the fun of it. Because at the end of the day, if I can't call or reach out when I really need your full, undivided attention, then I don't really need you around. And that's what it came to. I came to realize that just like our pre-twenties, and pre-responsibilities, just like the prefaces to the many chapters that would follow, there's always an ending. And it didn't matter how many times or in how many ways we called ourselves rewinding the clock or attempting to relive then, it was already over, and was over long before it even began.

It didn't matter how many times I attempted to correlate my likeness of his swagger to the traits and qualities that I believe a man should have, he wasn't it. He was not and is not and will not ever be that man. And more importantly, not the man for me. He was not and is not and will not ever be the man willing to bleed for me, live for me, give his last breathe to save for me. He wasn't then, isn't now, and thus, will not ever be that man I somehow managed to misconstrue his image to make myself believe he was.

Sade - You're Not the Man by theresaclark1987