About Me

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Philadelphia, PA, United States
I suck at bios. Am horrible at telling interesting things about myself without embarassing myself at the same time. So I stick to the basics: My mind is forever active; always thinking and asking questions. I enjoy reading. Love writing. But if it were up to me, I'd love for a lifetime because love, is an animal that as untamed as it is, it's perfect.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

getting my peace of mind

Dear You.

Yes you. Especially if you think this is about you, then yes, it can be about you too. I know somewhere in your psyche, you think, well, you've convinced yourself that without you, I'd be nothing. Better yet, I would have been up shit's creek without a paddle to maintain the waves or a compass to know which way to go, if it all weren't for you. Claiming credit where it by far is not due.

But guess what? I'm fine. And like many urbanites like myself who weren't born with a silver spoon attached to their tongues, I'm good. And to be honest, I'm glad, no happy, shit, I'm proud of me for having walked away and not looking back. For having grown the balls you were incapable of maintaining to say enough was enough.

I claim myself and only the individual I am. Heart, mind, titties, ass, smile, happiness, everything - all included. And I must say, I am the grand prize. I am above 1st place status and especially beyond 2nd place "runner-up-coming-up". There's no one like me. And never will be. This though, you already know.

I am over what was and what use to be. And just because I'm spilling my sarcastic ass feelings into this piece of literature, it does not mean I want you. No sir.

I need nor do I want anything from you. I desire nor crave nothing that comes of your being. No conversations, apologies, puppy dog eyes of a man who's lost his battle. Nothing. No phone calls, text messages, e-mails; no forms of communication. No reason to connect. I harbor no ill feelings, hostility, nor anger. I wish nothing upon your life that could potentially do harm to you or that could alter your life in ways you cannot even imagine. 

My main and only concern in this current and present life of mine is myself. That is all. I've reached a point where I could care less about your words, thoughts, intentions, or desires. Because sir, you know, just like I know, Karma, is a bitch. Life knew just what she was doing when she made Karma, sexually speaking, a cold blooded fucking woman! And I already know, your name, is indeed on it.

To you, you walked away with nothing. To you, I forced you to begin all over again. To you, I have everything, and was inconvenienced by none. If you say so. But the last time I checked: that large, lavish apartment has been traded in for a twin sized bed while I solely am still paying for that large, lavish apartment that you too resided in. You remember that apartment right? The same one you laid your head at when the night sky took over. The same one where I scrounged and struggled for months to make all ends meet while your sad attempts to get on your feet didn't quite come through. Yet, I would have lost it all if it weren't you. Are you sure about this? Or is this just what you irresponsibly spill into the streets and atop of the ears of whomever will listen to make yourself look good? How about no comment? Or, I'd rather not speak on it. How about "I fucked up. But I have to move on". Any of these would work magically for me because then the hard work I did put in and the dedication I did exude would not be trampled on by your selfish, inconsiderate, lonely ass words on the simple fact that you've grown bitter.

You hold no power over me or my successes. Your presence has no place in my future regardless of how hard you attempt to ease your way in. You words mean nothing regardless of how hatefully you spew them all in the name of hatred and anger. You, are no longer a factor in anything I do.

But go ahead and carry on. Because while you harbor these ill-gotten feelings that really should be geared towards yourself, I pay you no mind. I fight daily to regain the peace of mind that rightfully belongs to me. But do understand, this peace, was never in your jurisdiction. This peace, is brand new and refreshing; it has no imprint of days spent with you. And yes, I fight daily to leave you further in the past than you were yesterday. I, will and can be everything you claim me to be because you, my former beau, are no longer a factor. I will be all the fat bitches I've ever been to you because you, have no stake to profit off of when it comes to me.

So Sir, enjoy the words you regurgitate today, for they may be the words you eat tomorrow.

never looking back.

Chrisette Michele
Goodbye Game

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

on the fence

Mistakes are expected in life on the simple fact that we're human. And depending on how we're hardwired to function, others mistakes are sufficient enough; but often, we have to make our own. This is expected. Whether you were made by a man and woman because of a night of heavy, hot, and sweaty lovemaking, or due to doctors initializing your creation in a petri dish - we came from a woman's womb and she birthed us one way or another. So, we're supposed to make mistakes, have slip ups, do some things the wrong way to discover the right way.

But there comes a point and place in life when these mistakes become foolish and most times, selfish decisions that we think for one reason or another, will never catch up to us. Yet, when they do, we become defensive and don't know how to deal.

We cause pain to those who we know, without a shadow of doubt or an inkling of reservation, love us to their core. We do to them what we know we ought not to. What we know, quite possibly that if and when these selfish decisions we call mistakes reach the shorelines of their existence, they may not return as the individual we've always known them to be. Yet, we still decide to slip up.

"Mistakes" are preventable. Because they are decisions made by adults who have enough cognizance to know the difference between right and wrong, have just as much ability to walk away as they do to engage in such decisions.

But, consequences are a part of this human life too. So if and when that person who loves you to their core builds up enough power and strength to leave well enough alone, and decide for themselves that they deserve more and better, this is a consequence to your mistakes. And you can't be upset. Nor angry. Nor frustrated. Unless, it is with yourself.

This is no on the fence issue. This is no maybe or what if issue. This is about life and about when the people who we trust to do us right, doesn't do so. When the person who is done wrong, eventually has no choice but to move on, or drown in their own misery for staying.